This weekend was full. Came home after 8 on Friday. Saturday was spent at church for a brief women's fellowship meeting and then to City Hall for the Community Clothing Closet...and then collapsed on the couch...Chinese food for dinner...a quick tidy up. Up early for the return of our 8:30 worship service and then to Sunday School - so thankful to do that with two very wonderful women and a room full of great teenagers. Can't mention church without thinking of the amazing and beautiful music our new pianist played today and another thank you - M. came to church with us today. Love.
Today is the tenth anniversary of Sept. 11 when the planes crashed into our security. Of course, I remember the day and I remember thinking it was going to be nearly impossible to be a good mom if I doubted our safety. And I did doubt our safety. Sometimes I am lulled back into a sort of familiar complacency that makes me forget the tragedy. Mostly, I remember and try to stick to all that I am thankful for that might have gone unnoticed if our country's sense of security hadn't been rocked in that big way.
Ten years ago I started wearing a Mary charm/medal with my cross. I’m not Catholic, but I like Mary and felt so comforted by her story during the difficult days after September 11, 2001. I felt panicked and my heart was heavy. I wanted to be brave – especially for my children, but I also wanted to cry. I felt panicked and my heart was heavy. I was reading Psalm 46 many times each day. Those words felt like a personal gift for me from God…and they were. They are. In the midst of praying it occurred to me that I needed to keep the heavy hearted panic to myself… and God reminded me that Mary pondered things in her heart. Mary was a mother who knew things she couldn’t have wanted to know and wouldn’t have shared…God spoke to her and she pondered these things in her heart. She had to have known the heavy hearted panicking thing that I was learning to hold gently in spite of its crushing potential.
So…Mary is still next to the cross I wear most days. I still have the heavy hearted panicking thing, but its crushing potential is more subtle and less concerning. I try to remember that heart pondering with great faith is strength…and space. It allows space for breathing to exist and room for my hand to reach out and hold on without trembling. Eucharisteo.
So, I will add Persuasion to my to be read list...Anne is probably the character I am least familiar with when it comes to Jane Austen.